Revisions Of The Rules
by Sirens And Muses
Summary: Okay, so the sequel-ish thing to Rules of Fatherhood. We applied the twenty rules to seventeen-year-old Lloyd...with some changes, of course. Rated T because of Winn Dixie.
1. Revision 1: Sugar

**Siren: Alright! Sequel time! Whoo! Thanks to all our original readers/reviewers! 124 reviews total! (hugs everyone who reviewed) Muse, you can come out of hiding now. She's gone.**

**Muse: (shaking from fear) Your sister scares me.**

**Siren: Oh, come on. Just because she asked you if you were gay...and tried to set you up on a blind date.**

**Muse: She locked me in a public bathroom with a gay guy!**

**Siren: Well, I guess you shouldn't have said her shirt was ugly.**

**Muse: Never, ever coming to your house for post-Easter dessert again. EVER. Disclaimer!**

**(poof) The Great Rabbito: Um...hippity hop? What sound does a bunny make, anyway?**

**Muse: I don't know. You're the bunny.**

**The Great Rabbito: I guess, like, a squeak? I don't know. Sirens & Muses don't own ToS. (poof)**

**Siren: You guys will be our best friends for life if you review!**

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_Rule #1: Never give a two-year-old handfuls of sugar.  
**Revision #1: Never give a teenager any amount of sugar.**_

"Come on! Why aren't we being attacked?" Lloyd groaned. The group was walking through the Ossa Trail, while Lloyd complained about the lack of monsters. He'd just learned a new move, and had no one to practice on. However, it appeared that the Ossa Trail had a lack of active monsters.

"Lloyd," Kratos said. "You should be glad there aren't many monsters. This area is much harder to fight in."

"Ugh. Professor, do you know why they're not coming after us?" Lloyd looked around in the brush, trying to spot a group of monsters.

"I assume it's because they know they won't win," Raine said calmly. "Or perhaps there's nothing to draw them out of their hiding spot. You need something to lure them with."

"Lure, huh?" Lloyd rubbed the back of his head. Then he snapped his fingers and ran ahead of the group, waving his arms. "Hey, monsters! Check it out! Tender flesh, all yours for the taking! Free food!"

"Wow, Lloyd, I'm shocked they didn't come rushing out," Genis said sarcastically. Lloyd stuck his tongue out at him.

"Really," Raine said, slightly annoyed. "Kratos is right, the last thing we want around here is to be attacked again. We're lucky that girl didn't reach us, or else we might've lost."

"At least wait until we reach flat land," Kratos told him.

Lloyd groaned. "That could take hours! I'll forget how to do it long before then!" He thought for a few seconds before grinning. "I got it! Genis, can you hand me the food bag?"

"What? Lloyd, you can't use our food!"

"Don't worry," Lloyd assured him, yanking the bag out of his friend's hands and digging through it as they walked. "We never use this stuff, anyway. Aha!" He pulled out a burlap sack.

"What are you using, Lloyd?" Colette asked him. He grinned.

"Watch!" He ran forward, lifted the bag over his head, and dumped it.

Out poured millions of white sugar crystals, covering his body like snow. It stuck in his hair, on his clothes, and made a fine dusting on the ground. He laughed. "Come and get me! This should be enough of a lure! Don't you guys want some candy?"

"Lloyd!" Kratos growled angrily. "What are you doing?"

The young man spun in his tracks to face his comrades. "Come on! I'm just trying to train! _You_ should at least support me, Kratos!"

"Training is fine," Kratos began, closing the gap between him and his son. "Being stupid is something entirely different."

"Um, guys?" Colette said.

"Stupid?! This is a pretty good idea, if you ask me!" Lloyd said, gesturing to the sugar around him. "I didn't see you come up with any other bright ideas!"

"Lloyd, Kratos, pay attention!" Raine barked.

"That's because I don't want to attract monsters," Kratos snapped, ignoring the rest of the party. "I don't engage in unnecassary battles. It's stupid!"

"Look out!" Genis yelled.

"Don't call me stupi-whoa!"

A bear that had snuck up behind them swiped its massive paw at Lloyd, sending him rolling down the steep hill they were on.

"Stupid boy," Kratos muttered under his breath, chasing after his son, with the rest of the group and the bear behind him. He grabbed hold of Lloyd, stopping him from rolling any farther. He had been knocked unconscious and had some scratches from tumbling through thorns, but was otherwise unharmed.

Kratos unsheathed his sword and sliced at the monster, killing it with no effort. The other three reached him just as the bear fell. "Is Lloyd okay?" Colette asked anxiously.

"He's fine," Kratos said, calmly, kneeling down to heal his son.

"I expected you to know better, Kratos," Raine scolded. "I can't believe you let that bear sneak up on you like that."

"I apologize," he murmured, watching as Lloyd's eyes fluttered open.

"What happened?" Lloyd asked groggily, shaking his head.

"You let a monster knock you out," Genis said. "It was kind of funny." Raine smacked him.

"Lloyd, you should be more careful next time. And you, too, Kratos, okay?" Colette gave a worried smile.

"What happened to the monster?" Lloyd asked.

"I killed it," Kratos said, helping him up.

"What?! Why didn't you wake me up so I could try my new move?!"

Kratos sighed.

"Come on," Raine said. "We need to hurry if we don't want to get stuck here after dark."

As they trooped back up onto the path, Lloyd examined his clothes. "Aw, man, it all got rubbed off. Hey, Kratos, can you get some mor-"

"No."

"Come on! You don't even know what I was going t-"

"No."

"…Please?"

"I said, no!"


	2. Revision 2: Cages

**Siren: I...fucking...HATE...fanfiction...dot...net...**

**Muse: We apologize for any format errors. The website doesn't seem to like us.**

**Siren: Why is it centering _all_ the text?! And no, I don't want the whole thing italicized!**

**Muse: Um, yeah. Disclaimer!**

**(poof) Taco Bell Dog: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS or Taco Bell.**

**Siren: Ooh! Late-night taco run! Yum! Review, please! (grabs Muse and TBD and runs for Taco Bell drive-thru)**

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_Rule #2: Babies really don't like staying in playpens. And they are smarter than they look.  
**Revision #2: Teenage boys don't like staying in any kind of cage.**_

"Is something wrong, Colette?" Raine asked. Kratos glanced over at his two companions.

"Nothing, it's just…well, I miss Lloyd and Genis." Colette sighed. "I haven't been away from them for so long in years."

"It's better that they didn't come," Kratos said. "The last thing we want is either of them complicating the regeneration journey."

"I know," Colette said sadly. "I have to stay focused. And it's good that they're safe. Still, though…"

Kratos' ears picked up a faint sound. It was hard to tell, but it sounded like a group of people were running towards them. He could hear the feet running through the sand, as well as a lone voice. He pulled out his sword.

"Kratos?" Colette asked, looking up at him. He motioned for her to be quiet.

After a few minutes, the source of the sound came into view. He recognized the green and white animal, before he realized who the person riding it was.

"Genis?!" Raine cried out, taking off. Colette and Kratos both followed, Colette waving wildly to her friend. "What are you doing here?"

In Kratos' mind, there was only one question. "Where's Lloyd?"

Genis hopped off Noishe, panting in the heat and pointing from where he came from. "He was captured-I didn't know what to do-he was knocked out-we have to save him!"

Raine sighed and hugged her brother. "Why aren't you in Iselia?! What are you doing?"

"We have to go after Lloyd!" Genis cried. "They have him!"

"Who are they?" Kratos asked.

"I'm not sure. They looked like Desians, but they didn't take him to a human ranch."

Kratos nodded in the direction Genis had pointed. "Can you lead us back?" The boy nodded. "Good. Explain what happened on the way there."

They followed Genis' directions back to the base. It took Kratos a moment to realize that Renegades had captured his son. No doubt they had some plan to bring down Cruxis using him. A bit of paternal protection kicked in and Kratos managed to kill both guards and break the door down.

"Whoa!" Genis said. "That's amazing!"

Kratos ignored him. If he was right, Lloyd was in one of the cells. All they would have to do was find him, break him out, and escape. It wouldn't be too hard, provided Lloyd was easy to find.

"I found the cellblock!" Raine yelled. He looked over at her. "But there's a problem."

"What?" Kratos asked irritably.

"Lloyd's not here. Judging by the condition of the lock," she indicated the broken mechanism, "he broke out."

Damn it.

"So, he's wondering the base alone?" Colette asked. "We have to find him before he gets caught!"

Kratos could just hear her now.

_You lost him?! How could you lose him?! Again?! For Martel's sake, he's a seventeen-year-old boy dressed in bright red! He was locked in a 6x8 cell! How do you lose him?! You better pray you find him, or so help me, I'll dig myself out of this grave and hunt you down to give you a swift kick in the rear!_

That sounded like something she would say.

Kratos groaned inwardly at his son. He just couldn't stay put. Not only had he managed to get kicked out of his hometown (doing the exact opposite of what he'd been told), but he was now also running around unsupervised, probably doing something stupid.

The group ran through the base, trying to find Lloyd. Eventually, they caught up to him, trapped in a room, with what appeared to be the leader of the Renegades.

_Great job_.

After a fight, the group ended up in Triet. Kratos waited until he and Lloyd were alone, unpacking their things in the room they had to share.

"Lloyd," he said quietly, "Can I say something to you?"

"Um, sure." Lloyd turned, sensing he was about to scolded.

"You don't have common sense," Kratos said coldly. "You should have stayed in the cell and waited for us, instead of going out on your own, getting into trouble."

"Hey, wait a sec!" Lloyd said angrily. "How was I supposed to know you guys were coming for me? For all I knew, I was alone!"

"I understand that," Kratos said patiently. "But from now on, assume that we are going to come get you. It's dangerous for you to try to fight your way out on your own. You could've been killed."

"…Okay," Lloyd answered. "I'll trust you from now on."

It was several months later, on Welgia, when Kratos received the news that Lloyd and his group had been captured. He headed straight for the teleporter. All he would have to do was free them, lead them to the exit, and give them the mana fragment they came here for. He rounded a corner, stood on the teleporter, went down the steps and-

There was no doubt in his mind now. Judging by the huge, gaping hole in the bars, Lloyd had broken out.

Kratos swore, running back to the teleporter. He'd have to tell the guard of the mana fragments some ridiculous story about sending couriers over and hope luck was on his son's side.

All he heard was her voice in his head.

_Good job, genius! I thought you were supposed to keep track of him. I should never have left you alone. Geez! You know, I can understand escaping playpens. But angelic jail cells?! Either he's too damn strong, or you need a better contractor. Now, move your ass and find him! And so help me, if you let Yuan get ahold of him, you will be sorry. You know how that man is. No child-caring skills at all. Ugh! Men!_

Damn kid was going to be the death of him.


	3. Revision 3: Questions

**Siren: Slowly but surely, this is becoming less fluffy and more...disturbing.**

**Muse: (whimper)**

**Siren: As you can see by the above e-whimper.**

**Muse: Disclaimer.**

**(poof) Dr. Demento: Wow, even I'm offended by this. And I'm nuts. Sirens & Muses don't own ToS. (poof)**

**Siren: Review! And I promise, the next chapter will be fluffy.**

**Muse:...Help me. Please.**

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Rule #3: Sometimes, it is better to keep the answer to a child's question vague than to answer completely and honestly.

_**Revision #3: Some questions should simply never be answered. At all.**_

"Ugh, I hate shopping," Lloyd moaned. "Especially here. It's hot, humid, and I have sand in my shoes. Why can't I just stay at the inn? You and Genis are big boys, you can handle it on your own."

Kratos sighed impatiently and consulted the shopping list. "Lloyd, we have too much to carry by ourselves. Don't forget, we're also shopping for Raine and the Chosen."

"Yeah, about that," Lloyd replied, picking up a half dozen of life bottles. "Why aren't they out here, getting their crap? We fight monsters all the time; a little sun won't hurt them."

"Oh, suck it up," Genis said. "You know Colette hasn't been feeling well since the Fire Seal, and Raine has to be there in case she needs healing."

"Furthermore," Kratos added, "This was the agreement that was made at the beginning of this journey. We take turns with the Chosen and Raine to go shopping. It's only fair to keep up your end of the deal."

"Excuse me, but Genis and I never made any deal. That was all you!" Lloyd snapped angrily.

"I wasn't anticipating two more children joining us," the older man mumbled.

"Children?" Lloyd sputtered. "I'm no child!"

"Enough!" Kratos scolded. "It doesn't matter."

"We're almost done with the shopping, anyway," Genis pointed out.

"Indeed. Only one more stop." Kratos paid the merchant and led his younger charges into a building.

Inside, it was hot and stuffy, making Lloyd groan again. "It's like a sauna in here!"

"Perhaps you and Genis should wait outside?" Kratos suggested.

"And what, leave you to complain about how useless we are? No way!" Lloyd shook his head and, before Kratos could stop him, snatched the list out of his hand. "Lemme see, what's next? Pads? Like, sleep pads? Don't we already have some of them?"

"Not those," Kratos muttered, retrieving the list from his son. "These are…different."

Lloyd frowned. "Different how?"

Kratos sighed. He knew, of course, that Lloyd was naïve and innocent to a fault, but this was ridiculous. He was seventeen, not seven. Raine had warned him when she wrote the list that it would be better if he kept it to himself, but it still didn't explain why Lloyd was so…ignorant.

Kratos walked through the store, followed by the two teenage boys who were still utterly confused. He finally reached what he was looking for, a few shelved devoted to feminine hygiene. Lloyd pulled a box of pads off the shelf.

"'Helps keep you dry and prevents leaks,'" he read aloud. "'Can handle heavy flow and stays in place.' I don't get it." He flipped it around to the backside, which showed directions on how to use them. His eyes widened in shock and horror. "Whoa, is this some kind of…diaper?"

"Lloyd!" Kratos grabbed the package away from him, completely mortified. "It's not a diaper!"

"What is it then?" Lloyd demanded. "Show me."

"I can't show you," Kratos said through clenched teeth. "I'm not a woman."

"What about these?" Lloyd asked, picking up a box of tampons. "Can you show me what these are-hey!"

Kratos swiped the box out of the younger man's hands before he could read the back of it. "We aren't getting these. If you're so curious about them, ask Raine."

"Wait, why won't you tell me?" he demanded. "Is it weird? Or creepy? Is it for in battle?"

Kratos sighed, ignoring his son's continued speculations. He found Genis, who had gotten bored and headed over the toy section, and led them back to the inn. The second they were in the door, Lloyd made a beeline for Raine.

"Professor, Kratos bought these for you, but he won't tell me what they're used for or how to do it. Will you please tell me?"

Raine gave Kratos a blatantly hateful stare before turning back to explain the pads' usage to her pupil. "You see, Lloyd, when women reach a certain age…"

The seraph, for one, felt no guilt for leaving her to him. This particular series of questions was better taught by a female. He was in no position to explain menstrual cycles, being as he had never had one.

Besides, he mused, watching his son's face contort into sickening horror, he'd learned long ago that some lessons are better off unlearned.


	4. Revision 4: Noises

**Siren: Well, we promised fluff. And here it is...kind of.**

**Muse: At least it's less disturbing than last time. Terrible. I still have nightmares.**

**Siren: So, yeah.**

**Muse: Disclaimer!**

**(poof) Siren's Mom: What the hell are you guys doing up? For God's sake, I'm getting ready for _work_ and you're just going to bed. Sirens & Muses don't own ToS.**

**Siren: Review, please!**

**Siren's Mom: GET TO SLEEP!**

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_Rule #4: Some children don't mind loud noises. But there are a few that do._

_**Revision #4: Some teenagers absolutely hate loud noises.**_

"What are these?" Lloyd asked. "They look kind of cool. Hmm, 'firecrackers'."

Kratos glanced over to see his son, Colette, and Genis browsing a street vendor. Lloyd was, indeed, holding a red box of the miniature explosives. Genis and the Chosen were looking over noisemakers, talking.

"It's pretty cool that the people of Palmacosta are having a celebration for you, Colette," Genis remarked, examining a small whistle.

"Neil says it's just the thing to bring back their spirit after what happened to Dorr," she chirped back.

"Hey, Kratos, what are 'firecrackers'?" Lloyd asked, shaking the box at him. "They don't look too tasty."

"Tasty?" Kratos asked blankly. "Lloyd, you don't eat them."

"But they're crackers, aren't they?" he asked.

"No, they're…explosives. You light them on fire and they blow up." Kratos pointed back to the shelf they'd come off of. "Now put them back."

"Are you kidding?" Lloyd said incredulously. "They blow up, like explode? Awesome! I'm buying them."

"Lloyd," Kratos growled. "Firecrackers are dangerous. You could easily blow off a finger."

"It'll be fine," the boy scoffed. "What are these ones? 'Bottle rockets'? Sound cool."

Kratos groaned and shook his head. It was unwise for Lloyd to buy them, but he was in no position to stop him. He'd just have to keep an eye on his son, that was all.

The celebration was due to start any minute. It had taken about fifteen minutes to convince Raine to let the children go to it (she wasn't fond of fireworks herself), and even then, only with Kratos supervising.

"Come on, Lloyd, let's go sit down!" Colette said, pointing to an open spot. "I'm so excited! I've never seen fireworks before!"

"Have you ever seen them, Kratos?" Lloyd asked as they settled down on the grass.

"I have," he answered solemnly. "I don't like them very much. Too much noise."

"That's co-wait, noise? What noise?" Lloyd asked, suddenly nervous. His voice, however, was drowned out by the sudden cheering of the crowd, followed by a loud whistle as the streak of light went up through the air above them. As it exploded with a loud pop, Kratos looked over at his son.

Lloyd was sitting ramrod straight, his eyes wide with panic. He couldn't sit still, his hands moving and fidgeting. Kratos put a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you all right, Lloyd?" he asked. Lloyd gripped the older man's forearm tightly and mumbled something.

"What?" Kratos asked over the sounds of the crowd and the fireworks.

"I don't like loud noises!" he shouted, his voice stiff and unnatural.

Kratos looked at Genis and Colette. He could see her wincing slightly, thanks to her super-sensitive hearing, but other than that they looked like they were enjoying themselves. Lloyd's fingernails were digging into Kratos' arm, the shell-shocked look on his face still there.

"Come on," he said, pulling the boy up gently. "Genis, Chosen, I'm taking Lloyd for a walk."

Colette glanced up at him. "Is he sick?" she asked. "Do you want us to go, too?"

"No, it's fine," Kratos said. "He just needs some air. We won't be long. Stay here."

He led Lloyd away, stopping only for a minute to buy a shot of whiskey from a street stand. The two headed out of the town, into the forest, where the explosions could barely be heard.

Lloyd was still squeezing Kratos' arm as tight as possible, mumbling something incoherent. Kratos held the small cup of alcohol up to his son's lips. It wasn't the healthiest, but it might calm him down.

"Sip," he ordered. Lloyd took a gulp of it, then spit it out with a gagging noise.

"Oh my-what the hell was that?" he yelled, spitting on the ground. "It feels like my throat is on fire!"

"I told you to sip it," Kratos said evenly. "You appeared to be in a state of catatonia, so I had you drink whiskey."

"Ugh," Lloyd moaned, sitting down and holding his head. "I hate noises like that. Why didn't anyone warn me?"

"I assumed you knew," Kratos said, sitting beside him.

The pair sat in silence, the only sound the faint pops of the fireworks from Palmacosta. Finally, Lloyd spoke.

"When I was really little, I used to have nightmares about all these loud noises. My dad would have to stay up with me afterward, because I couldn't go back to sleep." Lloyd didn't look at Kratos, as if explaining this was admitting a weakness. "Then, when I started going to school, my class would play this prank on the teacher. When she turned away, they would all drop their books at the exact same time. It used to scare the hell out of me."

"I see," Kratos said.

"It's kind of silly, I know," Lloyd continued quietly. "I've killed people, seen my own village destroyed, faced death countless times, and I freak out over some loud booms."

"…" Kratos hesitated before speaking. "When I was a young child and a teenager, my hometown was at war. Right outside my house were cannons, and they were always going off right outside my bedroom window. I could never sleep. After I left home, many years after, that noise haunted me. Anything that reminded me of those cannons would make me twitch."

They were quiet for a few seconds. Lloyd leaned back against a tree, closing his eyes and enjoying the silence. It was peaceful and still, the kind of atmosphere Kratos thought Lloyd would dislike. The boy always seemed to be talking, moving, full of noise and energy. It was strange to think that he preferred silence, like his father, as opposed to the chaotic sounds his mother liked.

After a half hour, the fireworks ended, so they headed back to Palmacosta. Colette and Genis were waiting for them.

"There you are!" Genis said. "You missed the whole thing!"

"Weren't you feeling well, Lloyd?" Colette asked. "Maybe it was something you ate."

"It was nothing," Lloyd mumbled. "I just…felt weird, that's all. Headache."

Genis rolled his eyes. "I can't believe it! We might never get the chance to see fireworks again, and you missed it because of a headache."

"Well," the Chosen piped up, "at least you still have your little firecrackers, Lloyd. We can set them off tomorrow."

Lloyd gave a slight groan as they turned to go back to the inn. Kratos glanced back at him. "Are you feeling okay, Lloyd?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hey, remind me to douse those things in water when we get back."

Kratos chuckled quietly, thinking about how little his son had changed.


	5. Revision 5: Grosser

**Siren: Hey, guess what? The fluff bunnies attacked us again!**

**Muse: So, we've decided to add another chapter to the original Rules of Fatherhood.**

**Siren: Oh, come on, you didn't think we could actually stick to a deadline, did you?**

**Muse: Disclaimer!**

**(poof) Robert Pattinson: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS.**

**Siren: Ew. Why are you here?**

**Muse: Because it's your neice's birthday.**

**Siren: Oh, yeah. You think I'm a crazy fangirl? Watch this. (calls for S.J.)**

**S.J.: What? OMG, it's Edward Cullen! 333 (glomps)**

**Siren: Told you. Nothing beats a twelve-year-old girl as far as fangirls go. Review, or we'll send Robert Pattinson into your house to stare at you creepily while you sleep.**

***EDIT: FIXED FORMATTING PROBLEMS. :)**

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_Rule #5: As a father, you get used to disgusting things._

_**Revision #5: Teenagers are much worse than toddlers when it comes to gross things.**_

"Someone has to address the issue," Raine said. "Any volunteers?"

"Not it!" Genis said immediately. "I think Colette should do it. Lloyd won't take me seriously, but he listens to her."

"I can't do it!" Colette said, horrified. "Lloyd's a guy! I can't talk about…you know, to Lloyd!"

Sheena rolled her eyes. "It's not _that _embarrassing."

"If that's the case," Raine said coldly, "why don't you do it, Sheena?"

"Hey, I barely know him," she replied. "Besides, I personally think it should be done by…an older male."

All eyes turned to Kratos. "No," he said flatly.

"Please, Kratos?" Colette pleaded. "He'll listen to you."

"I agree," Raine said. "You're his role model. If you talk to him about it, I'm sure Lloyd will listen."

"No," he repeated firmly.

"You're outnumbered on this one, Kratos," Genis said cheerfully. "Sorry."

He opened his mouth to argue, but instead sighed in defeat. Unfortunately, they were right. Someone had to do it, and it was Kratos' obligation to take on the difficult task. Not that that fact made it any easier to do.

Kratos stood and walked out towards where Lloyd had gone to practice. He watched for a few minutes as the teen swung and slashed. Finally, Lloyd noticed him.

"What do you think?" he asked. "Getting better, right?"

"Humph," Kratos grunted. "Your footing still needs work." His son's face fell. "But better."

"Heh. Thanks." Lloyd ran his fingers through his hair, beaming. "Anyway, what's up?"

"Lloyd, I have to ask you a personal question," Kratos said.

"Is this about my parents again? Because I really don't remember."

"No, actually," Kratos broke off, trying to put it tactfully. "…Lloyd, when was the last time you…took a shower?"

Lloyd blinked. "Um, why?"

"Because," Kratos said, shifting uncomfortably. "I, as well as the rest of the group, have noticed certain…indicators of your failing hygiene."

"Indicators? Like what?" he demanded hotly.

Kratos sighed. The tactful route was clearly not working; Lloyd just didn't understand it. "Lloyd, you smell awful," he stated bluntly. "Your hair is a greasy mess, and your clothes are filthy. Come to think of it, so is your skin."

"It's not that bad!" Lloyd said, his face going red. "Is it?"

"When did you shower last?"

Lloyd was quiet for a minute before he mumbled something at his feet.

"Speak up," Kratos said.

"I said, it was about six days ago."

Kratos stared. "How often did you take them when you were at home?"

"Every morning," Lloyd said. "But the Professor said that we had to conserve water, so I've been cutting down on my showers."

"…And your laundry? Have you been cutting down on that, too?" Kratos asked.

Lloyd nodded. "I wear my clothes for a couple days before I wash them. I thought it was a good idea…"

Kratos sighed. "Please, Lloyd, for the well-being of the group, take a shower. And wash your clothes. Is there anything else unhygienic that I should know about?"

"Um, I lost my toothbrush."

"You lost your toothbrush?" Kratos repeated. Lloyd nodded. "How long ago?"

"Well, I lost it in Triet, so it's been a while. I've been swishing water around in my mouth to keep it clean."

"…"

"Also," Lloyd continued, "I left Iselia without my deodorant, and I keep forgetting to buy more."

"That's the least of your hygiene problems," Kratos muttered.

"Yeah, but the thing is, I've been using your deodorant. And, occasionally, your toothbrush."

Kratos swallowed, then immediately felt ill at the thought of it.

"Um, Kratos? Are you okay?"

Kratos took a deep breath. "Lloyd, the next town we see, I'm buying you a new toothbrush and some deodorant. And you have to take a shower and wash your clothes every day. In fact, go take a shower right now."

"Can't it wait until we get to town tomorrow?" Lloyd whined. "I'm training-"

"Lloyd, if I have to, I will drag you over to camp and have Genis cast a water spell on you."

Lloyd narrowed his eyes. "I'd love to see you try."

Kratos reached out and grabbed his son's hair, gripping it tightly. He then pulled a yelling Lloyd to the camp and pointed at Genis. "If you wouldn't mind, Genis, can you cast Spread?"

"Um, okay," the half-elf said meekly. He did as he was asked, dousing both Kratos and Lloyd in ice-cold water.

"Gah!" Lloyd shook his head, trying to break Kratos' grip and shake the water off, but failing at both.

"Chosen, please hand me the soap from my bag, please," he asked Colette pleasantly.

"O-okay," she said, stunned. Kratos turned towards Lloyd, the bar of soap in his hand. Lloyd glared at him.

"You take one move towards me with that soap, and I'll kick you so hard between your legs, you won't be able to have children."

_That's okay,_ Kratos thought, _I'm starting to regret my first one._ Out loud, he said, "You can't move that fast."

Lloyd, in a predictable attempt to prove him wrong, shot out his leg. Kratos was right, however, and he let go of Lloyd's hair to grab his foot instead. In one swift motion, Lloyd was on the ground with Kratos holding his foot.

"Now," Kratos said, tossing the bar of soap down on Lloyd's chest, "Are you going to take a shower on your own, or do I have to pin you down and wash you myself?"

"I'm going, I'm going," Lloyd groaned, rubbing his head as he stood up. "You know, you could've made this lesson a little less…painful."

"Then it wouldn't have stuck," Kratos told him.

"Yeah, yeah," Lloyd mumbled, walking away.

As Kratos sat down with the rest of the stunned group, he added, "And don't touch my toothbrush again. That's disgusting."


	6. Revision 6: Hereditary

**Siren: This is actually really un-funny. Ah, well.**

**Muse: We had writers block. Promise, we'll update soon.**

**Siren: And we mean it this time.**

**Muse: Disclaimer!**

**(poof) Marik: I'm British! And if you two don't update something again soon, I'll come after you!  
**

**Muse: We know.**

**Marik: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS or YGO!  
**

**Siren: Review please!**

***Edit: Fixed formatting issues...and Marik, isn't British. Whoops. Sorry!**

* * *

_Rule #6: Some things can't be explained; they're just hereditary._

_**Revision #6: Hereditary traits are forever.**_

"Is dinner almost ready?" Lloyd groaned, rubbing his stomach. "I'm starving. Kratos said he wouldn't let me eat unless I hit him ten times without him hitting me once."

Kratos rolled his eyes. "You were being lazy. If you can't manage such a simple task, you don't deserve to eat."

"Well, um, actually," Genis said nervously. "I have bad news, Lloyd."

"What do you mean?" Lloyd asked suspiciously.

"Sheena made dinner."

"So?" Lloyd demanded.

"…She didn't know that you guys…hate tomatoes. Dinner is tomato soup." Genis stepped back, waiting for Lloyd's reaction.

Which was to turn slightly green. "Ohhhhh…"

Kratos didn't feel too hot, himself. The idea of that horrible red liquid sloshing in his stomach made him ill. He glanced at Lloyd, trying not to laugh.

_Some things never change,_ he thought. _It must be genetic._

"Ugh. Don't we have anything else to eat?" the boy asked.

"Not without buying it from the nearest town," Genis squeaked.

"…Which is Asgard," Kratos said. "We're in Hima. It looks like we're going on a field trip, Lloyd."

"Wait, you mean it?" Lloyd bolted up from where he'd collapsed on the ground. "We're going to get real food?"

"…Lack of food means lack of energy," Kratos said. "You barely make it through your training as is, you'd never be of any use if you skipped dinner."

"And you won't suck it up and eat tomatoes!" Lloyd yelled, laughing. "Admit it, you're being just as much of a baby as I am!"

Kratos ignored his son and directed his next comment at Genis. "Will the Chosen be alright if Lloyd and I go to get dinner?"

"Are you serious?" Genis asked. "You guys won't be back until at least midnight!"

"Between you, your sister, and Sheena, I believe the Chosen will be fine," Kratos continued. "Lloyd and I are going to head for Asgard now. Do we need any supplies while we're out?"

"Yeah, I think we ran out of common sense," Genis mumbled. "Raine'll never let you guys go all the way to Asgard alone."

Then, Kratos said something completely childish. "Raine isn't here, is she?"

Lloyd stared, open-mouthed, as Kratos gathered up his bag. "Let's go, Lloyd. We don't want to be too long."

"Um, Genis?" he said.

"Yeah?"

"…What just happened?"

"I have no idea. How am I going to tell Raine?"

* * *

"Why are we doing this again?" Lloyd asked.

Kratos thought about that. Why _was_ he doing this? It wasn't as if he needed to eat; he could've simply refused. But Lloyd…his son did need to eat. He was hungry, and Kratos wasn't about to let him skip a meal because he was as stubborn as his father.

"We both need to eat," Kratos said. "You can't fight if you don't eat."

"I guess," Lloyd said. "It just seems so…not like you. Do you really hate tomatoes as much as I do?"

"…Yes," he admitted.

"You know, it's a little weird," Lloyd said. "I didn't notice it until Sheena brought it up, but we're a lot alike."

"You and me?" Kratos raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah. She told me that we're both stubborn, we're both swordsmen, we look similar, and we act like brothers."

"Brothers?"

"Yeah," Lloyd said. "We're always bickering. It's funny that we hate the same foods, too."

Kratos smiled slightly. "I suppose it is ironic. I've never noticed that we look alike."

"Well, yeah," Lloyd shrugged. "Our eyes and nose are the same shape."

"You've thought about this a lot," Kratos said.

"It's neat. I've wondered about it. Maybe we're related somehow."

Kratos stumbled, almost falling, he was so surprised. Luckily, Lloyd wasn't looking.

"Colette has an aunt in Palmacosta," he continued. "And a few cousins in Luin. Family reaches far."

"I suppose," Kratos said slowly. "It's possible, though highly unlikely that we're related. Distantly," he added. "I know most of my immediate family and where they are." _Dead_, he thought.

"I know. If we were related that closely, you'd recognize me, right?" Lloyd sighed. "It's silly, right? Based on our food tastes and face shapes. The Professor calls it…wish-y something."

"Wishful thinking," Kratos informed him.

They were quite for a few minutes. Kratos was watching Lloyd, wondering what was going on in his mind. Finally, Lloyd said, "We're not far, are we?"

"No. Asgard is close." A pause, then, "Lloyd, may I ask you a…personal question?"

"Sure."

Kratos hesitated. "…As far as your family goes, have you ever thought of tracing your roots?"

"I tried," Lloyd said. "The Professor and I searched for any records of my mother, but we couldn't find any. Maybe after Colette becomes an angel, I'll ask the Professor to check the Desian ranch records."

"That's good. Everyone should get the chance to find some answers." Kratos smiled down at his son.

"What about your family?" Lloyd asked suddenly. "Where are they?"

"…My parents and siblings are all dead," he said. "I really don't have family anymore." _Except for you._

"Have you ever thought about getting married and having kids?" Lloyd asked.

"It's crossed my mind. But I'm not father material."

"Are you kidding?" the younger man said. "You'd make a great dad. You don't act very emotional, but you're protective."

"…" Kratos closed his eyes.

"…What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Kratos lied.

"I knew it!" Lloyd snapped his fingers. "You always acted weird when I brought up kids. Do you have a kid?"

"…Had," Kratos admitted.

"Had? What do you-oh." Lloyd blinked. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you…" He trailed off.

"My wife was sick," Kratos said cautiously. "After she died, my son…was in an accident. He was young, too young…"

"I'm sorry." Kratos looked up. Lloyd was staring at the ground. "I didn't mean to pry."

"It's fine," his father said gently. "I ask you personal questions often, as well."

Lloyd suddenly started laughing. Kratos didn't have to ask what he found funny. It was another thing in common, another one of those hereditary traits coming out again.

They were both nosy little bastards.


	7. Revision 7: Loud

**Siren: Ugh...so...tired...**

**Muse: (snore)**

**Siren: You people should be thanking us. We gave you update at the expense of sweet, inviting sleep. **

**Muse: Why don't we ever write during daylight?**

**Siren: Because, Muse, sleep deprivation is the fuel for our creativity.**

**Muse:...Of course. Disclaimer!**

**(poof) Pillow: Ssssllllleeeeppppp...**

**Siren: (yawn) I'd love to...**

**Pillow: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS. They need to sssslllleeeepppp...**

**Muse: We know. (snores)**

**Siren: Review, please...(snore)**

**Pillow: Now that they are asleep, I can RULE THE WORLD! Mwahahahahahaha!**

* * *

_Rule #7: It's the quiet ones you have to watch._

_**Revision #7: Keep an eye on the loud ones, too.**_

"...I can't hear you…talk louder…no, I'm a natural blonde…"

Kratos rolled over and yanked his pillow over his head with a soft _thump._ He and Lloyd were, once again, sharing a room at the inn. The Cool Breeze, in fact, the most expensive inn in Asgard. Colette had a single room, Genis and Raine shared one, and Lloyd and Kratos shared the last.

"…Thank you, I will have a cup of tea…only one lump of alligator, please…"

At the beginning of the trip, Kratos had been very interested when he found out his son talked in his sleep. None of the other three found this behavior strange; in fact, Raine told him that Lloyd did it in class. Occasionally, Genis would throw things at him to make him be quiet, but it never really bothered anyone too much.

"…Yes, I want the flaming kitty tattoo…on my third elbow, please…"

For the first few weeks, he'd listened intently to Lloyd's mumbling words, hoping for some sort of hidden wisdom. However, all he'd learned so far was that Lloyd's dreams were weird.

"…Look, a pony...where's his head…?"

"Oh, shut up," Kratos groaned, tightening the pillow around his head. He groped underneath the bed and pulled out one of his shoes. Sitting up straight, he lobbed it and hit Lloyd's stomach. The teenager snorted, rolled on his side, and started snoring. Loudly.

The snoring, Kratos decided, was better than the talking. He closed his eyes and attempted to get at least a few minutes of uninterrupted dozing.

After a half an hour or so, Kratos was awakened by the sound of footsteps and the door squeaking. His eyes snapped open and he stood up, sighing.

"Lloyd," he called. "Lloyd, get back in here. You're not to go out alone."

The footsteps continued. Kratos followed, still calling Lloyd's name.

"Lloyd, stop." He caught sight of Lloyd leaving the inn. Quietly, he crept after his son. "Okay, the joke's over. Get back to sleep."

Something wasn't quite right, Kratos thought. Lloyd wouldn't just ignore him like this; he was usually blatantly disobedient. He jogged up next to the teenager. "Lloyd, are you sick?"

Lloyd's face was blank and dazed. He continued walking past Kratos, who gripped his shoulder gently and shook. Suddenly, Lloyd started talking again.

"…Yeah, the steak scored three points…"

They had reached the exit of Asgard. Kratos examined Lloyd carefully, watching his even face and glassy eyes. Unless he was very much mistaken-and he didn't think he was-Lloyd was sleepwalking.

"…I can't go to the doctor, my flower garden is moving too much…"

"…Lloyd?" Kratos asked tentatively. "Um, can you hear me?"

"…It's too cold to have a chocolate fountain here…"

"I suppose not." Kratos squeezed his upper arm and tried to lead him back into town. However, Lloyd shook him off and gave an unnaturally loud shout of laughter.

"…Is that journey a potato…?"

Lloyd had led them out into the forest. Kratos wasn't sure if it would be safe to wake him up, or if it would be better to just take him back. His biggest concern, at least right now, was that Lloyd would try to fight while asleep. That could end in disaster.

"…The frosted cupcake is a vampire…"

Kratos was surprised to see that Lloyd navigated through the forest better when he was asleep. He didn't trip or stumble over the roots or walk into low hanging branches. But he clearly not aware of where he was going or what he was doing. Kratos tried once again to redirect Lloyd back to Asgard, but this time, Lloyd flinched. He swung out and punched Kratos in the face, knocking him backwards.

"Umph!" Kratos fell back against a tree with a grunt. "Lloyd!"

"…My mother says when I walk, I'm pregnant…"

Kratos stepped forward, following Lloyd. He was about to simply wake Lloyd up when he heard a noise. A growl.

Kratos unsheathed his sword, but a moment too late; the beast launched forward and knocked Kratos onto the ground before rounding on Lloyd.

"Lloyd, wake up!" Kratos was on his feet, but the monster charged at his son. There was a loud growl, a shout, and metal clash.

"…Yellow chairs eat their young…!"

Lloyd had drawn his weapons faster than he'd ever done awake. He attacked, moving smoothly and fluidly as he never had before. His face remained blank and emotionless, but he defeated the enemy in a matter of minutes, while Kratos stared in awe.

When the battle ended, Lloyd continued walking to…wherever he was headed. Kratos chased after him. "Lloyd, this has gone far enough." It was only after he said it that he realized Lloyd couldn't comprehend a word he was saying.

Kratos stood directly in front of Lloyd, blocking his path, and grabbed his shoulders. "Lloyd, wake up. Now." He shook him gently, then harder when there was no reaction. Nothing.

Kratos slapped his face. Still nothing. He kicked his shins. Still asleep.

Finally, he stood back and let Lloyd pass. If nothing short of beating his son repeatedly was going to wake him up, he might as well just let him go. If Kratos followed him around and watched him, Lloyd would be fine. After all, he seemed to fight better asleep, anyway.

Lloyd had gotten a few strides ahead of him and was nearing a clearing in the woods. It was already sunrise; there was a stream of golden-pink filtering through the leaves.

"Gah!" Lloyd suddenly swung his sword wildly around, almost slashing Kratos across the chest. The older man ducked and grabbed Lloyd's leg, pulling him down. With a grunt, the teen was on his back, looking wildly around.

"Kratos! Wh-whe-what's going on?" Lloyd sat up. "How-how did I get here? What are we doing?"

"Calm down, Lloyd," Kratos said. "Did you know you're a somnambulist?"

"I'm a son-soma-sobam-did you just insult me?"

"You sleepwalk, Lloyd," Kratos said, holding out his hand to help him up. "You left your bed about an hour ago and started walking. I couldn't wake you up."

Lloyd looked stricken. "You mean, like a zombie?"

"Nothing like that," Kratos said. "You were simply asleep and moving. And you were talking nonsense," he added.

Lloyd relaxed a little. "Oh, yeah, _that_ I knew. So, I just kept walking?"

"…You killed a monster in your sleep."

"I what?" Lloyd asked. "I-I fought in my sleep?"

"Yes. You were actually pretty good." Kratos motioned to Asgard. "We need to get back so the others don't worry."

Lloyd grinned. "So cool. So, this sobamulist thing, is it normal?"

"Not exactly," Kratos said. "There's no shortage of people who have it, but I wouldn't call it normal. It's usually brought on by stress."

"I've had plenty of that lately," Lloyd muttered. "Am I sick or something?"

"No. We'll just have to lock doors at night and keep an eye on you so that you don't go wondering off." Kratos gave him a sideways look. "Don't worry too much about it."

Lloyd, grinning and fully rested, practically skipped to Asgard. They made it back before everyone else was awake, for which Kratos was glad. He didn't want to explain to Raine why they were wondering around in the middle of the night.

"Hey, Kratos? Thanks. You know, for keeping track of me." Lloyd gave him a thumbs up.

"You can repay me easily," he said.

"Really?" Lloyd asked. "How?"

Kratos smirked. "Well, now that I know you're capable of such a superior level of swordsmanship in your sleep, I expect you to do the same when you're awake."

"Aw, c'mon," Lloyd groaned.


	8. Revision 8: Baths

**Siren: I feel like this needed to happen.**

**Muse: Oh, look, an update! Yay!**

**Siren: Well, then, let's get on with it. Enjoy the chapter!**

**Muse: Disclaimer!**

**(poof) Jerry Orbach: Sirens & Muses don't own ToS or anything else.**

**Siren: I wish you weren't dead. You were pretty fantastic at everything.**

**Jerry: Uh, thanks. I wish I weren't dead, too? (poof)**

**Siren: Reviews will bring dead actors back to life! It's true!**

**Muse: Yeah, no, I don't think that'll work.**

* * *

_Rule #8: Baths tire children out._

_**Revision #8: Baths are a good chance to talk. And such.**_

"Please? Please, please, please?" Lloyd begged. "You went swimming, how is this different?"

"Lloyd," Kratos began. "This isn't a pool. This isn't the ocean. This is a hot spring. It's basically a big bathtub. I'm not missing anything."

"Pleeeeeease?" Lloyd pleaded. "Even Regal and Zelos are going in."

"Zelos is only going because he prefers being naked. At every chance he gets."

"It's relaxing," Lloyd argued. "Come on, you're always really tense."

"For the last time, no," Kratos said firmly. "I am not tense, I do not need to relax, I am not getting in those hot springs, and that is final."

Kratos turned to walk away, but stopped when Lloyd spoke. "Come on…Dad."

The older man turned back, eyes narrowed. "…You do that intentionally."

Lloyd smiled innocently. "Do what intentionally, _Dad_?"

"…Fine. But keep Zelos away from me."

"Yes!" Lloyd cheered. "Come on, grab a towel and let's go!"

Once the pair were in the hot springs, Kratos relaxed a bit. It was nice, he thought. Soothing. Plus, it gave him a chance to talk to Lloyd.

"Aw, what's the old man doing here?" Zelos moaned, clambering in. "No one wants to see that!"

"Shut up, Zelos," Lloyd said cheerfully. "It took a lot of effort to get Kratos in here."

"I can imagine," Regal said from beside Zelos. "It really is very calming, Kratos."

"…" Kratos sighed and leaned his head back. "I'm not staying long."

"Ah, I love the springs," Zelos said, melting into the water. "Mmm, I could stay in here forever."

"Hey, you guys," Genis said brightly. Kratos moved over so he could clamber in. "Oh, great, Zelos is in here."

"Oh, great, the brat's in here," Zelos said.

"I told you not to call me that!" Genis shot back.

Lloyd sighed. "I feel like going to sleep," he said, submerging himself up to his ears.

"Lloyd," Kratos said abruptly, squinting. "Lloyd, what is that?"

"Hmm? What's what?" he sat back up.

"That," Kratos said flatly. "On your chest."

The group went silent for a second. Regal was the first to speak. "Lloyd, I thought you were going to tell him."

"You told Raine you had told him already," Genis said, surprised.

"Oh, man! Busted!" Zelos laughed.

"What…is…it?" Kratos asked through gritted teeth. "Lloyd?"

"Um, well." Lloyd rubbed the back of his neck. "Don't be mad, okay? It's not as bad as it looks…"

"_Is that a tattoo?"_ Kratos hissed.

"Zelos got one, too!" Lloyd said, pointing. "He said everyone in Meltokio had one!"

"Hey, hey, don't drag me into this!"

"You're the one who convinced him to get it in the first place," Genis said. "Just wait until Kratos sees his ear…"

"Your _what?"_ Kratos said, grabbing Lloyd's head.

"Ow, ow, ow!"

Kratos examined Lloyd's ear. There was a very tiny hole. "You got your ear pierced? Why?"

"Um, well, see…Zelos did it first!" he accused.

"If Zelos jumped off a bridge, would you follow him?" he asked angrily.

"You probably don't want to know the answer to that," Genis muttered.

"Not the time, Genis," Lloyd hissed. "Look, it's fine, really! I can't even wear the earring anyway, it got infected. Oh, and look!" He stood up, pointing to his tattoo. "It says 'Mom' in a heart."

"..." Kratos leaned back as his son sat down. "I suppose it could be worse. After all, you only got one."

"Um, about that…" Lloyd grinned and stood up again. "Well, I better get out before I get all pruney, this was fun, talk to you later!" He disappeared as fast as possible.

"_You only have one, right?" _Kratos yelled. He turned back, glaring death at Zelos.

"Hey, don't give me that look! I didn't do anything." Kratos stood and walked over. "Whoa, I'm getting out."

"Don't worry, Zelos," Kratos said calmly. "I don't blame you. I just wanted to sit over here, with the rest of you."

"Oh." Zelos settled back down uneasily. "Okay, then. You know, the other tattoo is pretty cool, too. It's a dragon on his ankle."

Kratos nodded and patted Zelos' shoulder. "Good. I'm glad he found a good friend."

"Hahaha…ha. You-you're making me pretty nervous, old ma-Kratos! Kratos." Zelos slid away, but Kratos followed. "Okay, I'm going to get out n-hey, what are you doing? I thought you said you didn't blame me!"

"I lied," Kratos snarled, grabbing the Chosen's hair.

"Whoa, Regal! Genis! A little help?" Zelos tried to get away from Kratos, who gripped harder.

"Gee, I thought I heard someone say my name," Genis said. "But I've become so used to being called brat, I can't tell." He got out of the springs. "Bye, Regal."

"I think I'll join you," Regal said.

"Hey, you guys! Don't leave me alone with him!" Zelos pleaded. Kratos smirked.

"Oh, good, some alone time." Kratos dunked Zelos' head under the hot water.

"Gah! No!" Zelos sputtered as he fought against him. "Stop! Ack!"

"Hmm," Kratos dunked him again. "I'm glad Lloyd convinced me to come in here. Aren't you, Zelos?"

"Very," he coughed, panting. "It's been a blast. A real…fun time." He rushed out and briskly walked away, glancing back in fear.

Kratos leaned back, satisfied. He lifted his foot slowly out of the water and chuckled. He wondered what Lloyd would say if he knew…the chains of ink wound around his ankle and up a few inches. It was a good thing he never walked around in his bare feet.


	9. Revision 9: Clothes

**Siren: Where the hell have we been?**

**Muse: Man...I thought we died.**

**Siren: I miss the days when we updated normally.**

**Muse: Um...and we did not do anything for Christmas. Or New Years.**

**Siren: Or Valentine's Day.**

**Muse: ...Forgive us?**

**(poof) Kratos: ...Not you guys.**

**Siren: (yawns) Just get on with it, I'm not up to any crazy sexual fangirl antics tonight.**

**Muse: It's morning, actually.**

**Kratos: Shut up, Muse. Sirens & Muses do not own ToS. (poof)**

**Siren: Review? Please?**

* * *

_Rule #9: Children don't know how to dress themselves based on weather patterns. That's up to you._

_**Revision #9: Even if they should know how to dress themselves, you will be blamed.**_

"Lloyd, you need to change," Raine said firmly. "You can't train in that outfit."

"I've been training in this outfit since I got it," he objected. "It's just so cool!"

"Cool or not—" Raine said.

"It's not," Zelos and Genis interrupted at the same time.

"—it's almost ten below zero and snowing. That won't keep you warm."

"Aw, come on, Kratos doesn't care, do you, Kratos?" Lloyd turned to his father, who shrugged.

"I certainly don't recommend it, but it's up to you—"

"See? Kratos is letting me make my own decisions!" Lloyd said. Raine frowned.

"Fine. Fine, do what you want." She threw her hands up in resignation. "Freeze if it makes you happy! What do I know?"

"Yes! Let's go!" Lloyd ran out the door before Kratos could say anything else. The older man sighed and followed his son.

"Lloyd, Raine is right. It's very cold out here, and your attire is hardly…warm."

"I'll keep warm while we train," Lloyd answered. "Besides, this outfit's fine."

"Lloyd, you are dressed like a pirate." And he was. Since they'd met Aifreed in Luin, Lloyd had refused to wear anything else beside the costume. "Pirates don't dress for Flanior weather."

"Aw, come on. Genis wears shorts and t-shirt, and he's never cold," Lloyd pointed out. Kratos frowned, unable to think of a good argument before his son bounded out into the snow.

"You're wearing a vest with no shirt on underneath." Kratos crunched through the snow. "I'm just worried that you might…freeze."

"I'll be fine." Lloyd unsheathed his swords and faced his father. "Let's go!"

They started training, with Kratos occasionally commenting on Lloyd's technique. They stopped after an hour or so, Lloyd panting.

"Very good." Kratos put his sword away and nodded towards the town. "Let's head back, before dark."

"Aw, come on," Lloyd said, grinning. "We have time. I want to play in the snow."

Kratos shifted uncomfortably. "It's much too cold to play, Lloyd."

"Please?" Lloyd pleaded. "Please, Da-Kratos, can't we play outside? Just for a little while?"

Kratos caught the slip. "…I suppose it can't hurt. Only a few minutes," he added sternly.

"Whoo!" Lloyd fell backwards into the snow. "I've always wanted to do this. It never snows in Iselia." He began to furiously wave his arms and legs.

"…" Kratos walked over and stared down. "How are you not frozen?"

"I dunno." Lloyd stopped moving and held up his hand. "Help me up, I wanna look."

They stood side by side, staring at the misshapen angel Lloyd had made. "Not bad," Kratos said.

"I'd love to see you make a better one." Lloyd suddenly grinned. "Actually, I would like to see it. Come on, make a snow angel."

"Lloyd, I am an angel. In the snow. I don't need to make one."

"Oh, yeah?" Lloyd gave Kratos a shove. "Come on, give it a shot."

"No." Kratos was again shoved. "Stop it."

"Only if you make me a snow angel," Lloyd said.

"…" Kratos sighed and extended his arms, falling back into the snow. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"I wish I had a canbra," Lloyd said.

"A what?" Kratos half-heartedly waved his arms. Lloyd shrugged.

"Sheena said that it kind of paints a picture, only really fast." Lloyd thought for a second. "Like they had in the human ranches."

"Oh, a camera." The older man stood up and brushed snow off himself. "Yes, the human ranches had video cameras. Is this satisfactory?"

"Ha! It even looks like you!" Lloyd laughed while Kratos sighed and started walking away. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Back to Flanior. It's too cold to play anymore." Something wet and cold hit the back of his head. "Ah! Lloyd, did you just throw a snowball at me?"

"No…" Lloyd said innocently. Kratos narrowed his eyes. "I swear! It must've been the wind."

"The…wind? The wind threw a snowball at me?"

"…Um…yeah." Lloyd shrugged while Kratos sighed. "Aw, come on! Just a few more minutes!"

"No, it's almost dark." Another snowball hit him, this time on the butt. "Stop it, Lloyd!"

"It's not me!" Kratos glared at him. "Alright, I'm coming."

Lloyd jogged up to where his father stood. "Why you insist on being so childish is beyond me."Kratos slowed his pace very slightly, falling only a few steps behind Lloyd.

"It was just a game," Lloyd grumbled. "Lighten u-ack!" The teen spun around to see Kratos a just behind him, smirking.

"Yo-You! You just! Ah, you just threw a snowball at me!" Lloyd picked up a lump of snow, taking aim at Kratos. "You jerk!"

"It wasn't me, I swear," Kratos said, holding up his hands. "It was the wind."

"Ha! I'm telling everyone that you got into a snowball fight!" Lloyd threw his snowball and immediately picked up another one.

"Fight? No, no," Kratos said hastily. "I just wanted to get you back for earlier."

"Now you've started a war," Lloyd said evilly. "Get ready, old man."

"Old? Old man?" Kratos dodged his son's snowball and picked up his own. "I am not old!" He launched a snowball that barely missed Lloyd.

"Oh, come on! You're older than the dirt you're standing on!" Snow landed on Kratos' shoulder. He tossed another snowball at his son. "Gah! You got me!"

"…Alright, that's enough!" Kratos held up his hands in surrender and received a snowball to the chest. "That's not very sportsmanlike."

"Sorry, it seemed a waste not to use it." Lloyd was grinning and red-faced as they headed back to Flanior. "Man, that was awesome! We should do that again sometime."

"…" Kratos brushed snow off Lloyd's shoulder. "Are you cold? We should've gone in soon, you're going to get sick."

"I'll be fine," Lloyd said dismissively. "That was so much fun!"

They arrived in Flanior and went into the inn, where Raine verbally abused them about the cold.

"…Reckless and stupid, it's below zero outside, and all you're wearing is a vest!" She wrapped the blanket tighter around Lloyd before rounding on Kratos. "And you! You should've known better! Letting him leave dressed like this! Weather like this isn't a game, Kratos!"

"I apologize," Kratos said.

"Whatever," Lloyd said. "Guess what? We got into a snowball fight!"

"A…snowball fight?" Raine said, her eye twitching.

"Lloyd, I don't think you should-" Kratos said hastily.

"Yeah!" Lloyd said. Then he caught sight of Raine's face. "Uh, Professor? You're looking scary…"

"You decided it would be a good idea to have a snowball fight with a half-naked teenager?" Raine snapped, narrowing her eyes at Kratos. "Are…you…insane?"

"Who's half-naked in there?" Zelos called from the other room. They heard Sheena smack him. "Oww…"

"What do you have to say for yourself, Kratos?" Raine demanded.

"I-uh…he started it," Kratos mumbled, staring at his shoes.

"Oh, he did, did he?" Raine shrieked. "Well, I'm going to finish it, young man!"

"Young…man?" Lloyd started laughing.

"You will both write me a five hundred-word paper on hypothermia and how to prevent it," Raine said. "I expect it to be handed in to me the day after tomorrow."

"With all due respect, Professor Sage, I am not one of your students." She shot Kratos a withering look.

"Just write the paper, Kratos, it'll be less painful for all involved," Genis called from the other room.

"It could be worse," Lloyd said as Raine left the room. "At least we didn't get sick."

"…Yet," Kratos corrected him. "We didn't get sick _yet_."


	10. Revision 10: Words

**Siren: GAH! So tired...**

**Muse: (snore)...pumpernickel...**

**Siren: Indeed. So, hopefully updating should be easier during the summer. Or maybe not.**

**Muse: (snore)...disclaimer...**

**(poof) Samuel L. Mothafucking Jackson: I WILL KICK YOUR ASS WITH A TACO SHELL! Sirens & Muses don't own ToS. **

**Siren:...Taco shell? Man, I'm tired. And I really want to see The Avengers. Looks amazing.**

**Muse: (snore)...review please...**

* * *

_Rule #10: They always say the one thing you don't want them to._

_**Revision #10: Don't let them hang around bad influences.**  
_

"What are you doing here?" Lloyd snarled. Kratos raised his eyebrow.

"What does it matter to you?" he asked coldly. His son glared at him.

The group was entering Meltokio, going to the Imperial Research Academy. Shadow's lair was too dark to enter, so they had to find a way to light the place up. Before they had gotten ten feet in, however, Kratos had come down the giant staircase. As arrogant as ever, in Lloyd's opinion.

"You're our enemy! What are you up to, always following us?" Lloyd went to take out his swords, but Raine smacked him.

"We're wanted!" she snapped. "Don't draw attention to yourself!"

"I'd advise you to listen to your teacher." Kratos turned to Presea. "I heard that sacred wood only grows near Ozette, correct?" Presea nodded suspiciously. "So it doesn't exist anymore."

"…The wood I cut is in the church."

Kratos nodded. "…Lloyd. You must stop forming pacts with the Summon Spirits. You don't know what will happen if you succeed."

"Because I'm going to listen to you," Lloyd said angrily. "We're not going to stop just because you tell us to, you…" Kratos turned to leave with a scoff, while Lloyd stuttered for words. "…you stupid _irrumator_!"

Kratos froze. In seconds, he was standing in front of Lloyd, glaring down at the teenager. "What…did you just call me?" he hissed.

"Uh…um…" Lloyd's eyes widened. He looked just like he had when he'd been a child, caught doing something bad. "…I…don't know?"

"Who taught you that word?" Kratos demanded, although he already knew.

"I-I…read it somewhere?"

"I refuse to believe that," Kratos said flatly. "I'm not entirely sure you know how to read, let alone in an ancient Angelic language."

Colette frowned. "I've never heard of that word."

"Neither have I, and I spent my entire life reading Angelic," Zelos said. "Hey, Lord Sparkles, don't you have something important to do?"

Kratos gave Lloyd a hard look. "…That word is inappropriate. I don't want to hear you using it again."

"Who are you, my mother?" Lloyd said. Kratos narrowed his eyes and turned away, leaving the city.

"Geez," Genis said. "What _did_ you say, Lloyd?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "Yuan used it once when he was yelling at a Renegade." He shrugged. "Neither of you know what it means?" Both Chosens shook their heads. "Huh. Now I'm kind of curious."

A pair of guards passed by the group. Raine motioned for them to keep walking through town, and they silently headed into the Imperial Research Academy.

* * *

He was waiting for them at the entrance to the altar. "Stop!" he ordered.

"Kratos! Let us through!" Lloyd unsheathed his swords.

"Listen!" Kratos held up his hand. "If you make this pact, the protection around the Great Seed will be completely lost!"

"And that's exactly what we desire!" Yuan shot a bolt of lightning, but Kratos jumped back. Yuan was readying another lightning bolt. "Lloyd, go ahead and form the pact."

Kratos waited until they had all left through the teleporter. Yuan smirked. "We're almost done. It will final-ack!"

Kratos had rushed him and tackled him, knocking the half-elf down. "You're a terrible influence on Lloyd!"

"What the hell?" Kratos tried to punch him, but he ducked his head. "Why, you!" Yuan struggled, kicking and flailing and trying to land a hit on Kratos.

They rolled around on the floor for a few minutes, fighting and yelling, until Yuan scrambled to his feet, sporting a nasty bruise on his cheek. "What the hell are you thinking? What did I do?"

Kratos stood up, wiping his bloody nose and glaring murder at Yuan. "Do you know what Lloyd called me the other day?" Yuan shook his head. "_Irrumator_."

It was silent for a few minutes before Yuan started laughing. "He doesn't even know what that means!"

"There are only three people left in either worlds who know that word. I certainly didn't teach it to him, and I'm not convinced that Lloyd is talking to Mithos on a regular basis. That leaves you."

"I use that when I'm yelled at my troops," Yuan said, smirking. "It makes me feel better."

Kratos lunged at him again, pinning him against the wall with his forearm. "You taught my son the Angelic word for cocksucker!"

"Kratos, I can't breathe!" Yuan gasped.

"Good!"

Before Kratos could suffocate his old friend, the ground shook and they both fell. Yuan started panting and massaging his neck. "...They did it!"

"Damn!" Kratos stood, trying not to fall down. He was still angry at Yuan, but he had more important matters. They both ran outside and met up with Lloyd and the others. They saw the tree go out of control and Kratos explained what had happened. After a few minutes of talking, they had come up with a plan.

"All right!" Lloyd said. "Let's go to the Iselia ranch!"

They started to pull out their Rheairds in the clearing ahead of them. Yuan chuckled from beside Kratos.

"Well, have fun, my dear _irrumator. _Try not to swear in your little boy's delicate ears."

Kratos punched him in the face and joined the rest of the group. As they went higher up, Kratos saw Yuan making an obscene gesture at him.

"What's that mean?" Lloyd asked curiously. "Why's he doing that?"

"…Just keeping going," Kratos grumbled. "It's not appropriate."


End file.
